Skynet 2

This post was going to begin with a quote from CNN.com from a follow-up article about the CERN’s particle reactor. The article had a beautiful line about how this reactor is going to change everything we know about the Cosmos. A lofty prediction.

I read this article during my lunch break, but apparently protons traveling around a 17-mile tube at near-light speed is not newsworthy enough to keep on the front page (or anywhere a dramaturg could find it with cursory searching). Apparently the news is moving too quickly today. Oh wait, but, “Cheerleader banned from moving body” is still up. I learned during my lunch break that this unfortunate athlete was banned from competing because of a heart condition that could endanger the lives of her fellow teammates in the event that she is one of the supports to a human pyramid (hint: just don’t make her one of the supports of the human pyramid). Oh, and “Beauty who beat Palin backs Obama” is still up. Yeah: she sure is pretty! And yet, an article which literally opens with “This will change how we understand everything” has been tucked away.

Did you know you can buy t-shirts now with CNN headlines on them just by clicking the t-shirt icon next to the article link. For a mere $15 you can have “Oldest married couple shares secrets” on your chest, and really, who wouldn’t wan that?

Nope: not on the NYtimes front page either. Apparently the exciting point was turning the damn thing on. No blackholes in the first 5 hours? Let’s return to Pakistan then. Alright, here we go: unearthed from a link on the Science page of the Times:

We can now look forward to a new era of understanding about the origins and evolution of the universe.

I am sure in London this dandy little quote is hidden between the legs of the Page 3 Girl.

COMPARE:

Also found here, if video doesn’t work.

Also found here, if video doesn’t work.

Can you tell which of these clips is a fictional commercial preceding an apocalyptic accident resulting in the near extinction of the human race? Because I can’t.

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