Linus and Mabel Vs. The Paperbag Demon; or, How We Woke Up

The sad basement bedroom and bathroom of Fun-One-Who-Chases and Nice-One-Who-Cuddles (Which they only have to live in for one more month; Hooray!)

photo-9Mabel: It’s late.

photo-13Linus: So.

Mabel: And Fun-One-Who-Chases and Nice-One-Who-Cuddles are still on the big cat bed.

Linus: Yep.

Mabel: And you aren’t going insane.

photo-14Linus: What’re you trying to say?

Mabel: Well ordinarily, you would be bouncing off the walls trying to wake them up so that Fun-One-Who-Chases will play with you.

Linus: Well, they had a hard week.

Mabel: That’s really nice of you. What’s that about?

Linus: It’s this new thing I’m trying.

Mabel: Hey what’s that thing over there? That’s new.

Linus: It’s a brown paper thing that Fun-One-Who-Chases brought home yesterday.

Mabel: It looks neat. Hey it IS neat. It makes crackling noises when you sit on it. Oh and HEY check this out: I can crawl partly in it and push it around. Look at me! I’m a moving bag.

Linus: That’s stupid . . . let me try.

Mabel: Fuck off.

Linus: I’m a boy and you eat all my food, Fatty.

Mabel: Dammit. Fine.

Linus: Hey! This IS fun.

Mabel: I know right.

Linus: Hey look at these handle things!

Mabel: I wouldn’t mess with those.

Linus: No no it’s cool, they look just big enough to stick my head through. Wait.

Mabel: What?

Linus: Oh my god it won’t let go.

Mabel: Won’t let go! What are you talking about!?

Linus: It was a trick. The bag is alive and IT IS EATING MY FACE!

Mabel: Oh my god!

Linus: OH MY GOD! HELP ME HELP ME!

Mabel: Stop chasing me you freak! I can’t do anything but look cute at it!

Linus: It won’t let go! It’s sucking out my brains!

Mabel: You just pissed yourself!

Linus: I just pissed myself! I can’t control my bodily functions!

Mabel: The bag demon is taking over your brain! Okay, Mable: puff-up-mode GO! Look at me! I’m huge! You fear me!

Linus: GET OFF ME YOU BASTARD. (Smash into the toilet!) Take that! (Smash into the cabinets!) Oh my god! (Smash into everything else in the room!) It’s INVINCIBLE. I’M GOING TO DIE!

Mabel: I’M GOING TO DIE!

Linus: The only way to stop it is to reach 88 mph and time travel to the moment before I stuck my face in this paper s.o.b.’s trap!

Mabel: Just stay out of the bathroom! You’re already dead! Think about your sister! I’ll carry on the story of your heroism, just keep the F away from me!

Linus: Why’s Fun-One-Who-Chases trying to catch me!

Mabel: He’s just trying to end your misery more quickly.

Linus: Does he understand NOTHING about time travel!

Mabel: You’re going to die just go with it!

Linus: He’s cornered me!

Mabel: Thank god! I’m safe!

Linus: He’s helping the bag monster strangle me!

Mabel: It’s okay. You were a good brother. I mean, you were kind of an asshole, but you’re a boy, so it’s understandable.

Linus: Wait. I think Fun-One-Who-Chases is attacking the bag monster!

Mabel: He’s not murdering you?

Linus: He’s not murdering me! He’s pulled it off me! I’m free from it’s fangs!

Mabel: Tell him to take that paper mutha-f-er out back and set that bastard on fire.

Linus: I guess he’s more useful than I thought.

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